Cunning Linguist

Well, as with every story, it's best to start at the beginning. I don't know how else I would explain how I came to be in the position I am in today without you knowing a few things about me. I am warning you. I might seem like a decent person, possibly even remorseful, but the fact that I am still living this life and enjoying the "rewards" of my gift means that I am anything but.

My name is Matt Cole. I grew up and live in Western Pennsylvania in a little town called Sharon. I had your typical midwestern middle-class upbringing. Religion **** on me, conservative Republicans in every corner of my suburb neighborhood. I was a skinny, short kid, not bad-looking or weak, but far from an athlete and far from popular.

I had a few things that put me at a social disadvantage in high school. The first was a botched tongue tie surgery I had when I was a baby. This simple procedure damaged a nerve in my tongue and a tendon too. This caused my tongue to randomly spasm, making it seem like I had an inconsistent stutter. Worse, this also allowed my tongue to invert itself and curl into a 3-leaf clover, which was fun for parties but not much more.

The second thing was the fact that I developed lymphoma in my freshman year of high school. I was subjected to some experimental treatments to save my life. I was able to continue to go to school and use tutors to allow me to graduate with my class, although you can imagine the moon face from the steroids and the patchy hair didn't do much for my love life.

Between the speech problem, the odd appearance, and the ignorance of people not understanding how lymphoma works, I got picked on quite a lot. As I said, I wasn't a whimp, and even though I was on the honor roll, I was tied for the most number of detentions for getting into fights in the whole school, and I wasn't known for losing them either.

I was a lonely kid romantically; I only had one girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity until I was 20, and right after I did, the girl broke up with me. All of this gave me an inferiority complex about my looks and my skills as a lover.

During college, I met the most amazing girl; she was mature for her age. We got along and were comfortable with each other's silly and goofy nature. She was pretty and nice, and most importantly, she fell in love with me, and I fell in love with her. We both finished college before moving in together and shortly afterwards getting married.